To the point, then, and quickly.
Name: Clay McCuistion.
Age: 24.
Height: 6'1.
Weight: 180.
Occupation: Copy editor at a daily newspaper located somewhere in the wilds of the Tampa Bay area.
Main goal in life: To complete a poem that makes sense.
Secondary goal: To get the mouse out from behind the apartment's home entertainment center.
Another random goal: To figure out what's going on.
Up next -- actual content.