I had fun with that last random file experiment. Didn't you? Of course.
Now that most of my documents are transferred to this beautiful new computer, I think I'll try it again. Hopefully the file will be a little bit shorter. Okay ... here goes.
Ah. It's an overblown column from my first year at the University of Kansas. Please excuse the blowhard nature of the thing.
It's pretty self-explanatory, up to the bit about turkey bowling. That was a ridiculous University of Kansas Thanksgiving fundraising practice. It involved bowling with frozen turkeys. Some well-meaning folk on campus were offended that dead turkeys were being so desecrated.
On with the column.
"Don't talk to me about animal rights.
"The topic has become a hot one at KU in this first semester, but don't count on me to support our little furry, web-footed, or scaled friends. I love animals and believe they should be treated well, but I think that the reverence they have been given on this campus is entirely unwarranted. Those of you who object to turkey bowling on moral grounds or believe that dissection and animal experimentation are evil are certainly entitled to your opinions -- just don't count on my support.
"I happen to be alive today because of animal testing.
"Animals died to save my life and I am glad of it. I happen to be one of the 700,000 insulin-dependent diabetics in the United States today. Insulin -- the life-saving hormone needed by type I diabetics -- was discovered through animal testing. In 1921 and 1922 Dr. Frederick Banting used 10 dogs to isolate and first use insulin in a clinical setting. The dogs had their pancreases removed-the pancreas being the gland responsible for producing insulin-and most likely died quickly afterwards. However, this experimentation led to insulin being available to humans.
"Such drastic operations and testing could not have been carried out on men or women. It was and is not ethical or feasible. However, such tests could be carried out on dogs-and have resulted in a treatment that has saved millions upon millions of lives.
"Were the lives of these ten dogs worth more than the lives of millions of humans who have been given new life and hope through insulin? That's your question to answer. If animals could help us to cure human diseases such as AIDS and various cancers, who will volunteer to tell a dying human patient that the lives of lab rats are more important than effective medicine? If animal rights activists had been active in 1922, would the 700,000 diabetics alive today be dead? How much value does an animal's life have compared to a human's?
"The entire turkey-bowling debate is foolish when viewed in this context. Once every homeless and hungry person in the world has been housed and fed, then we can think about the brutal use of turkey carcasses. The entire "animal rights" debate is one of ludicrously misplaced priorities. What about human rights? Do we pause to consider the sweatshop laborers toiling to make the Nike apparel worn by the KU basketball team? What should we do about the homeless and hungry people who wander the streets of this country in agony? Do we place turkeys above their well being? Again, I leave it to you to answer these questions.
"I don't hate animals. They certainly deserve respect and humane treatment. But humans deserve respect and humane treatment as well. We so often ignore the poverty that exists under our own noses and look to another, more glamorous cause. Poverty is not cute or fun. It's ugly and life threatening. After all, which is more photogenic? Helping a starving and crippled man, or rescuing a cuddly white bunny from a perfume-testing lab? Perhaps activists should think less about their press clippings and more about their duties to their own species.
"Animals died to save me. They might have died to save you as well. I don't always feel comfortable with the idea. But when I think of the millions of others besides me whom animal testing has saved -- and will save -- I do not feel guilty."